she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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