he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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