I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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