btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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