My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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