their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
