How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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