i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm at about main and main street
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
