You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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