nut hugger
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
