Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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