I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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