i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
