hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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