what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
