Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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