Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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