I want to make a zoo with you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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