I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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