Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
