tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize