We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
