There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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