I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
