i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
