I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
