That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
