Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
