She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
