R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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