I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
