i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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