Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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