I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
