i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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