So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
