he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
