Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize