Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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