They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
