I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You've changed since you got that strap on
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
