i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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