I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
