But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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