Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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