Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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