I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just forgot I was standing up.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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