and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
