my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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