Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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