My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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