She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
