i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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