? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im six kinds of drunk right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
