Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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