I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
