Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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