I just pynch a tree in the face
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Randomize
