HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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