She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize