someone owes me an orgasm
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
